Hey everyone :)
It's half past midnight on a Saturday-Sunday night, and I guess I've been using my well procreated time to reflect on my 2013 experience.
Experience? Yes. 2013 was packed full of experiences for me, good and bad, and yet they have impacted me a lot. Looking back a year and reading through the blog posts I wrote back then, I honestly do feel like I've matured.
Weird huh, I thought I'd stop "maturing" when I'd hit like… 20. But obviously, every life experience has an effect on anyone and everyone, and these life experiences occur throughout our lives each and every day/month/year.
Life is, after all, a learning experience for everyone. If you can go through a bad experience and say that you've not learned anything, then you're not making the most of what life has to show you :)
If you want to skip the reading part, scroll to the end to watch a video! :D
Onto my experiences of 2013 - I guess I should go through these in month order (it'll be easier for me haha).
January - March:
These were the last couple months of my second year at University, and it honestly feels like a blur. I guess I could say that if I had to pick out a week of my life during these few months, - well even half of 2012 too - there was something bad that happened. I'm not saying this as in I'm a negative person like, "Ohh bad things happen to me". Because that's not true, amazing things have happened to me and are continuing to happen to me. But looking back, there was some external factor that was a bad thing which has taught me so much about myself, how I interact with others, and who I am.
Wait, all of 2013 has taught me more about myself than in the past 20 years of my life.
The fact that external factors were constantly a battle for me at that moment, I never would've guessed that it'd make me who I am today. Socially, mentally and physically.
Socially - Throughout my entire time at University, I was constantly around people who I didn't feel fully comfortable with - even though most of them are nice people (and I still talk to them to this day). Actually, throughout high school and primary school I was around people who I couldn't REALLY be myself with. Mostly because I probably wasn't confident in myself to actually be me, so instead I put up this facade of who I wasn't. But also because I've realised that I am an Introvert - so I'm not going to be the most loudest with the highest amount of friends.
But this year really put this to the test, when I was constantly criticised for being quiet at times, not being "too open" about my life. Now don't get me wrong, I am able to talk about a lot of things and I can make a conversation. However, there are times when I really value my alone time, and there are things that ARE worth talking about rather than things like candles, clothes and pillow cases and shit. It really did take a toll on me because I was constantly thinking, "What's wrong with me? Why am I not that social?" But it was only recently when I found out that there are other people like me, and the fact that I (and others) relish having time alone, I felt a whole load better. And I've come to terms with the fact that this is who I am, and if people don't like that I'm not a very open person who doesn't have a lot of time to socialise with a large amount of people everyday, they can't change that.
Not even I could change that.
Mentally and Physically - Not too much to say about this other than the fact that I'm a lot more comfortable with myself. I'm comfortable with having purple/pinkish hair, the fact that I'm quiet and that I'm really ditzy. I'm happy being me, and I'd like to be the best me that I can possibly be :)
April - July:
I could go into a lot of detail about this time period, but I don't think that would really be erm… 'beneficial' to this blog post. After all, I want to talk about things that I've learned and my experiences, rather than going in depth with problems I had.
So around this time, I'd finished second year, which honestly wasn't that great in terms of my social life and home life. As you may already know, my sister got married at the end of June - so most of my time was spent on helping my family with the wedding preparation. During the time when I was meant to be really happy for my sister getting married (Don't get me wrong, I was super happy for her) - I wasn't happy with my personal life - due to one huge problem that I was going through. My April to July was filled with panic attacks, resentful feelings and negative thoughts, and it was a real test for me.
But what have I learned from this?
I can't blame myself for something I can't change about me, whether it's my opinion, attitude or my personality.
People come into your life for a reason, it's a learning experience and you get to understand different types of personalities; good and bad.
I realised what was worth fighting for… and obviously, what wasn't.
People can't change you, and you can't change for them (no matter how hard you try), and you can't change others. Sure you can try, but you/people are going to go back to your old ways.
I guess this time of 2013 has really helped me to understand other people. What their motives are, how to deal with them… I know this might sound weird, but most people are usually fine. Some people (you know what I'm talking about) you have problems with, and you feel like you need a sort of manual to understand how to deal with them. That is how I felt during this time of the year.
Like I genuinely didn't know what to do from there.
I had literally lost most (if not all) motivation for things I once loved doing - for example, I hadn't blogged for a while. And I didn't feel motivated to keep up with blogging, whereas I once blogged everyday for several months straight.
So the August & September of 2013 was about me learning to BE ME again. Another odd thing to say, but sometimes when you're around certain people or negativity, it can take a huge toll on your life. August and September were filled with tons of memories of going out, a few drunken nights, and just making a lot of new friends (and talking to all of my existing friends too!)
One of the most dramatic things of 2013 was me moving out for my final year. This was the first time I'd actually been away from home so it was so damn nerve-wracking and at first, I felt a bit reluctant to go. Just because I knew I'd miss everyone at home (and my baby Nemo).
Yet, whilst this did prove to be a bit challenging at first, it has really helped me. Not only has this made me a bit more talkative and confident when approaching new people, tasks and challenges I set myself; but it's also helped me stand on my own two feet. Things like cooking, doing my own washing, clothe washing, going out to get my own food - it might seem minor to some, but I am definitely grateful for it. I'm happy that I have the opportunity to do my own thing - not only am I able to run by my own rules, but I feel more like an adult :)
I think it's safe to say that living my own independent life - well… not so independent as I do have my really long chats with my mum and sister over the phone and I do visit them! - has led me to living the best months of 2013.
During September, October, November and December, I have been presented with amazing people, opportunities and overall an amazing life.
Not only am I much happier with my life, but I'm also much more confident and comfortable with myself. I know I'm not that bright (when it comes to maths and science etc), but I love knowing facts, I love listening to foreign music, I love to indulge in hot chocolate and Chinese food and I love talking about makeup, cats, and Simpsons Tapped Out. I am a bit of a goofball but hey, so what?
And luckily, I have amazing and supportive people around me who appreciate me squealing over how adorable a cat is, my obsession over makeup and the fact that I'm quite knowledgeable about Photoshop and video editing. And they support me enough for me to make something big of myself :)
Looking back, I knew at the start of 2013, I wanted it to be a good year. Whilst the start of it wasn't ideal and smooth running, I am happy with the outcome of it.
Regardless of the bad experiences I've had, I'm happy and thankful to have gone through them. Otherwise, I wouldn't have learned from it, and I wouldn't be as comfortable with myself as I am now!
I know this blogpost is quite a long read, but congrats if you've read up until now! Haha!
Thank you for reading :) I hope 2014 is a great year for me, for you, for our family and friends!
Happy New Years guys :)
Here's a video I did with my sister, and we name 3 lessons we've learned about 2013! :)
Thank you for reading! :)